What Are Friends For?

A guy and a girl are talking about when this other girl on their floor got her kicked out of Taphouse one night

Guy: I swear if she pulls that shit again tonight, I'm gonna jizz on her door!

Girl: Oh my god, you are SUCH a good friend!

-eavesdropped by Sam at Saugeen

Just To Be Different From All The Other Sporting Events

Guy talking about a televised sporting event: Maybe they filmed it when it was live...

-eavesdropped by Beki at western

Western is Known for it's Innovative Thinkers

Person 1: Explains the concept of "Dial a Bottle"

Person 2: Oh my god, you call and they deliver booze?! They should have that for pizza!

-eavesdropped by BVH at western

Does That Include Socially Disabled People, Like Her?

*note: only students who require to use a lap top due to a disability are able to have lap tops in Sociology class*

Dumb girl: I dont get why we arent allowed to use laptops, and that people with disabilities are allowed to use them in class. Like, if they have a disability they shouldnt even be allowed to go to university.

-eavesdropped by Emily in Sociology Class

Definition of a Western Lightweight

Guy 1: What did you do today?

Guy 2: Went to lunch with Brooke and had a couple drinks, went to drink at the Spoke, then went to Tim's to drink.

Guy 1: Oh really? Where are you going now?

Guy 2: Home to drink.

-eavesdropped by LiyaT on Richmond 6 Bus

Cuz if You're Not, I'm Not Coming

Guy on Cell: Dude, are you dressed like a leprechaun?? ... Good. See you in the Spoke in 5.

-eavesdropped by LiyaT at western

That's Like Wearing a Canadian Flag without the Big Red Pot Leaf on it

Drunk Girl: Why are you wearing that?

Guy: (wearing Irish flag as a cape) ...because it's St. Patty's!

Drunk Girl: So, you're supposed to wear green, what's with the cape?

Guy: ...It's the flag of Ireland.

Drunk Girl: (laughing) No, it's not! There are no clovers on it!

-Eavesdropped by GS at Western St. Patrick's Day Party

But I'll Take A Carton of Vanilla Ice Cream

Girl #1: Do you want some vanilla soy milk? I have three cartons of it.

Girl#2: I can't, I'm allergic to dairy.

-eavesdropped by Carolyn at western

And I Only Paid For Moderate Bleeding

Girl (on phone): I'm not trying to get my money back, but I just want you to know that I had excessive bleeding

-eavesdropped by Carolyn at Western house party

At Least She Didn't Check For Fire-Crotch

Girl 1: How'd you get that mustache on?

Dirty Blond Guy: Marker.

Girl 1: Why is it red?

Dirty Blond Guy: My natural hair colour is actually flaming red.

Girl 1: but your pit hair ain't red. You ain't ginger if your pit hair ain't red.

Dirty Blond Guy to spectator Girl 2: (shocked) Did she just call me out on my armpit hair?

-eavesdropped by SKW in a Delaware elevator

I Don't Think She's Taking This Seriously

Western Girl 1: (excited) Ok, so I was thinking of wearing this to the party (pulls shirt out of bag)

Western Girl 2: (looks shirt over, contemplating) well...it is bright....but is it tight?

Western Girl 1: (looks at shirt disappointed) no, I guess not,

Western Girl 2: (completely serious) no, it isn't. you're going to have to keep looking. it's a tight and bright party, that's the whole point, and I don't need you ruining it.

Western Girl 1: (ashamed) Okay (puts shirt back in bag)

-eavesdropped by MR at UCC

It's Been A Slow Day So Far...

Guy 1: I jizzed in my pants twice today.

Guy 2: Congratulations.

-eavesdropped by Megan at Western

You Just Need To Wang Harder

Girl #1: Omg, I'm so going to fail this exam

Girl #2: Why don't you just wing it?

Girl #1: Well, I wanged the last two exams, and I got a 70...

-eavesdropped by Winston at Elgin

So He Must Like You Better

Western Girl: (on cell phone to friend) Yeah, when I met my boyfriend he told me that he has a girlfriend, but I really like him. Besides, it's not like he's cheating on me. He's cheating on her with me.
-(also) eavesdropped by CB at Western

Side Effects May Include: Quoting SNL Skits from 10 Years Ago

Girl #1: (laughing) I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!
Girl #2: oh my god, is that the stuff you had to take before that you were allergic to??

-eavesdropped by Robyn at Weldon

Almost as Big as the Territory of Texas

Western Guy 1: I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger driving his eco-friendly Hummer while on Spring Break.
Western Guy 2: Wait, how did you see Arnold Schwarzenegger?! You weren't in Hollywood.
Western Guy 1: No, I was in Sacramento. He's the Governor of California now.
Western Guy 2: Huh?
Western Guy 1: Think of the Governor like the Premiere, and California would be like one of our provinces.
Western Guy 2: Oh. *pause* But I still don't see how you saw him. The province of California is so big.

-eavesdropped by CB at Western

I think that's how Jessica Simpson did it...

Blonde #1: "...so, yeah, like three of my friends got this stomach flu and were throwing up for like days and my one friend lost like six pounds."
Blonde #2: "oh my god, i want that!"
Blonde # 1: "i know, right? me too."

-Eavesdropped waiting for bus at Richmond Gates by katelyn (thanks to katelyn for sending us our first overheard and getting the ball rolling!!)

Welcome to the Next Generation...

as you all know, OAW is now dead and gone away :( but that doesn't mean we need to stop ridiculing the many hilarious conversations, comments, and questions overheard at our fair campus. The OAW girls may have graduated and moved into the "real world", but I am only in second year, and very much still in the Western Bubble and have enough time on my hands to check hotmail and copy/paste a few submissions a week.

So, keep your ear out, and e-mail your overheards to eavesdropwestern@hotmail.com

Welcome to EW, the next generation of smarm :)